Posted: 19 Dec 2010 08:53 AM PST

In a shopping season on steroids, kids are encouraged to reveal their heart's desires in wish lists and letters to Santa. However, while gift catalogs and commercials inspire visions of Xboxes and iPads, how can parents on a budget manage their kids' expectations?

WalletPop sought the advice of New York-based experts Dr. Laurie Zelinger, a child psychologist and registered play therapist; Dr. Fred Zelinger, psychologist; and, Dr. Susan Bartell, parenting psychologist and author of "The Top 50 Questions Kids Ask" to learn how to maintain the excitement and anticipation of holiday gift-giving without going into debt to avoid disappointment.

Whether kids realize it or not, tight budgets are tightest during the holidays. WalletPop asked the psychologists how much the kids should know about family finances in order to understand the effect on the gift pile.

"Beginning at age nine or 10, it is important to share family financial changes with your kids," says Bartell, "but do it in a way that makes sense to them and always be as positive as possible." Bartell says in some cases, such as the loss of a job, the situation may be obvious. "Then you might say, 'this year we will have just as wonderful a holiday as it always is, even though we are saving our money since mommy/daddy isn't working right now. But we will still enjoy our gifts — even if they are smaller or fewer — and mostly we will especially enjoy the fun we will have together.'"

Bartell says, for kids under nine, "It is fine to simply say: you may or may not get everything on your list. What's important is to be appreciative and thankful."

According to psychologist Dr. Fred Zelinger, the news will go down more easily if kids have been kept abreast of the situation all along.

"It is important for parents to share those [financial] developments as they occur, allowing a child to process the information in stages. That permits the child to layer his information as it occurs so that he can understand it and begin to make his own predictions.

"Change is more manageable for a child if he feels he has part of the ongoing system and evolution, so that even sudden unexpected financial reversals can be more readily accepted than if the child had been shielded from other difficult situations all along."

However, even if the kids had been on a need-to-know basis until now, Bartell believes it's not too late. "While it's better to begin sharing at a time other than the holidays — as long as you are gentle, age appropriate, honest, but don't over-share — your child will be fine. It's important always to emphasize that you are doing everything you can to keep them healthy and safe," says Bartell, "which is the most important thing for them to hear, because it's what they're really worrying about." Not necessarily whether or not they will be scoring Video Girl Barbie.

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Dr. Laurie Zelinger also advises, "parents shouldn't dwell on the details that would make a child feel anxious, but instead use everyday events as teachable moments." Zelinger gives the example of shopping together and pointing out price comparisons. "If parents indicate that they need to make thoughtful choices but can handle things and take care of the family, children will more easily follow in their stride and accept change without feeling devastated."

If a child is aware of the financial challenges, but still asks for a budget-busting list of big-ticket items, Bartell insists parents should not succumb to guilt.

"Remember that not buying big toys is fine and your child will survive," Bartell says. In fact, Bartell believes it's better to be straight with kids up front.

"When your child asks for something," says Bartell, "be clear, rather than saying 'maybe, you never know what Santa will bring,' or 'we'll see.' The vagueness will keep them hoping and they will be very disappointed. Rather say something like: 'I know you really want the Wii this Christmas, but it's not in the family budget. We're making sure that everyone gets gifts they will enjoy, but we also need to make sure we have enough money left over for clothes, food and our house. So this year we aren't buying really big gifts for anyone.'"

Dr. Laurie Zelinger agrees. "It's okay for a parent to ask his child to choose one or two of his favorite items from the list, explaining that the family is being careful about the things they buy."

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Zelinger says you might also want to share some of the choices you have made, such as exercising at home instead of joining a gym or driving the same car instead of buying a new one. Possible dialog might be: We're all making choices and getting some things we want, but not everything, she suggests.

"Teaching children to live with disappointment is a valuable lesson," says Zelinger, "and guiding them through the process, with you as a model, will form a foundation for future experiences when they face disappointment again."

In fact, if parents have been doing a good job of modeling the kind of financial responsibility they are trying to teach, and have experienced a loss in income through no fault of their own, Dr. Laurie Zelinger says there is no reason to feel guilty. However, she says, "If they go out and blow their whole salary on lottery tickets ... then yes, they should feel guilty for not considering the bigger picture in realistic terms and depriving the family of that which was lost based on poor judgment."

If it's not money, but family philosophy that prevents parents from putting what the kids want under the tree, Dr. Laurie Zelinger says, again it's time to talk.

"Good communication between the parent and child would have revealed the parent's position on these toys in advance," she says. "Parents should use opportunities on a daily basis to teach their values to their child." Zelinger suggests a conversation that might go like this: Mommy and Santa don't agree that scary video games are right for children, so even though it looks so exciting to you, Santa won't be bringing one of them to our house. But he will bring other things that you will like.

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If it's a case of my best friend can have it, why not me?, then Zelinger says a firm reply is needed: Jordan's parents make decisions that they feel are right for their family. Daddy and I make decisions for our family and we decided that the answer is "no" to that, but "yes" to some of the other things we know you're been wishing for.

In the end, if the kids don't check everything off their wish list, Dr. Laurie Zelinger assures that's okay too.

"Children need to learn how to make choices, prioritize, accept limits, deal with disappointments and appreciate value," she says. "Acquiescing to a child's 'gimme, gimme' attitude will develop selfishness and a sense of entitlement that will be hard to break in the future."

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Comeback Kids

Posted: 20 Dec 2010 01:06 AM PST

Posted on Mon, Dec. 20, 2010

Sunday's 28-point rally resulted in the Eagles' fourth come-from-behind victory in their last five games, including two against the Giants. They outscored their opponents, 79-21, in the fourth quarter in those games.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Sunday's comeback was the ninth time in NFL history - and the first time for the Eagles - that a team trailed by 21 points in the fourth quarter and won.

Largest comebacks in Eagles history

24 points, Oct. 25, 1959: Trailing by 24-0 in the third quarter, the Birds scored 28 straight points to beat the host Chicago Cardinals, 28-24, at Metropolitan Stadium.

24 points, October 27, 1946: Trailing by 24-0 at halftime, the Eagles scored 28 straight points to beat the host Washington Redskins, 28-24, at Griffith Stadium.

Largest regular-season comebacks in NFL history

28 points, Dec. 7, 1980: Trailing by 35-7 at halftime, the 49ers scored 31 straight points to beat the Saints, 38-35, in overtime.

26 points, Sept. 21, 1997: Trailing by 26-0 in the second quarter, the Bills scored 37 points to beat the Colts, 37-35.

25 points, Nov. 8, 1987: Trailing by 28-3 in the third quarter, the Cardinals scored 28 straight points in the fourth period to beat the Buccaneers, 31-28.

Largest postseason comeback in NFL history

32 points, Jan. 3, 1993, AFC first-round game: Trailing by 35-3 in the third quarter, the Bills scored 38 points to beat the Oilers, 41-38, in overtime.

Source: http://www.profootballhof.com

Durant gives foster kids a Christmas surprise

Posted: 18 Dec 2010 05:00 PM PST

NICHOLS HILLS, Okla. (AP) - Kevin Durant remembers how his Christmases as a kid always had a degree of uncertainty of whether there would be presents under the tree.

Now that he's an NBA All-Star and a multimillionaire, he wants to make the holidays a little bit brighter for children in need.

Durant, the NBA's scoring leader, chose Oklahoma City-based Citizens Caring for Children as the recipient of his annual "Kevin's Christmas" charity event. He surprised about 120 foster children Saturday with a visit and gifts, including an iPod shuffle, Thunder-themed Skullcandy headphones and Nike gear.

"I just wanted them to feel special on Christmas," Durant said. "As a kid, you really don't know the significance of what Christmas really means except for getting gifts and being joyous around this time. So, I want them to feel special. Hopefully, this is something that they're always going to remember for the rest of their lives.

"I'm happy to say I was a part of that."

Durant also gave the organization a flat-screen television, an Xbox 360, a Wii and video games that the children can play in their activity center. It'll replace a failing 13-inch TV.

"They really are a lot of times forgotten during the holidays," said Amy Mitchell, the agency's executive director. "We all go home and spend time with our families and they're separated from theirs, so it's so special that they took the time to do this for these kids."

After a pizza party and some free time for the kids to shoot hoops, Durant called each child up individually to hand out a bookbag filled with gifts that will be among the few received by some of the children. Citizens Caring for Children also holds a toy drive to ensure each child gets a gift, but some live in group homes and don't have foster families to provide for them.

"All of them are living without their families, so being able to spend time with somebody like Kevin Durant during the holidays is so special to them. I think it makes being away from their families a little bit easier," Mitchell said. "It's still hard. But to know that somebody like him takes the time out of his schedule to be with them, to show them that he cares and that they're special really means a lot."

Durant signed a five-year, $85 million contract extension this summer after becoming the NBA's youngest scoring champion ever and leading Oklahoma City to its first playoff appearance. But he didn't always have money.

"My mom surprised me and my brother a lot. She'd always say we weren't going to have a Christmas because we couldn't afford it, but then she would come back and (we would) wake up on Christmas day with a lot of gifts," Durant said.

"I had a lot of great Christmases and it's a blessing to try to do that and give back to the younger kids."

Last year, Durant took three young boys on a shopping spree at the mall and coordinated a "Giving Tree" event for 100 children in need. The previous year, he distributed coats, gloves, hats and other items to about 60 children at an inner-city after-school program.

During his rookie year in Seattle, he took 26 needy children on a shopping spree and then took them to dinner.

"I always look forward to it. It's something new, something bigger every year that I try to do," Durant said. "My mom did a good job of coordinating everything and coming up with great ideas. Everything went right as planned, and everything's perfect right now.

"I'm excited, I'm happy and hopefully we can continue to just do this every year and put smiles on kids' faces."

The Thunder's Serge Ibaka and Morris Peterson also held a charity event Saturday, distributing toys at a pizza party for about 200 children.

"For us to give back to the less fortunate is obviously a blessing. ... Growing up, I didn't see NBA players. I didn't get to interact with them," Durant said. "For me to provide something that I didn't have growing up means a lot to me. I'm just happy I've got this opportunity, and I'm having fun."

In addition to the toy drive, Citizens Caring for Children is also trying to gather donations of new coats, pajamas and other clothing in addition to duffel bags that they can distribute to children.

Those will serve the kids' everyday needs, now that Durant has helped out with the holidays.

"Kevin's the Santa this year," Mitchell said. "He's a very tall Santa."

---

Online: http://www.citizenscaringforchildren.org

Kids Games

Monday, December 20, 2010

“Tempering kids' holiday gift expectations” plus 2 more

“Tempering kids' holiday gift expectations” plus 2 more

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